It's in the book.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 62.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4.  99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria!

They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments.

12. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?   Raise my hand.

13. So what is the speed of dark?

14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15. Hard work pays off in the future.

Laziness pays off now.

16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

17. I fear getting scared half to death,     twice?

18. Show me a psychic that doesn’t have to ask me my name?

19. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

20. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

21. Light travels faster than sound.

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

22. Life is like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.